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i am posting this because i have met some people at the TC that have had this happen to them. and some people think it is a matter of choice or just bad luck or not my problem. because of my stand on this it may and has  cost the TC members but if you do not take a stand then you are not real. gammers understand that the words you use do hurt and cause pain. i am not trying to ban words just want you to understand the pain that can be given by using them. more info can be found on the web. these are quotes

http://suicidal.com/suicidalte…..index.html. and at

http://www.justicewomen.com/he….._rape.html

In the past years, I have met   many depressed and suicidal teens.

They seem to feel they are living in total isolation from their parents.

They feel that their parents will not believe them or take them seriously, will not help them, cannot help them, and will be angry and inconvenienced, with their depression and other personal problems.

Unfortunately, I know these things to be true in far too many cases.  

Over the last 30 years, people's responses to rape victims have improved tremendously. However, it is still likely that you will run into one or more persons who will treat you badly. People may disbelieve you, ridicule you, abandon, blame, ostracize, sabotage, threaten, betray you, or side with the rapist against you. These painful and dangerous reactions can come from family, friends, and authorities as well as from people associated with the rapist. It fact, it's particularly devastating to rape victims when you're treated badly by the very people you expected would help you.

Many victims say the betrayal of these experiences is so painful that it was worse than the rape itself. That's why, in the literature on rape, this all too common abusive treatment of rape victims has been given the name, “the second rape”.

In addition to being terribly sexist and wrong, these all too common abuses of rape victims are also very dangerous to the victim. These abusive reactions drive rape victims into deepening isolation and despair. When these abuses gather steam, they can turn the victim's whole social or family group against her. This can easily result in losses to the victim of vital relationships, jobs, housing, school, or to the loss of the victim's connections to help.

The disbelieving, blaming, and ostracizing of rape victims is also dangerous to all women and girls. Driving rape victims into isolation and despair is one of the ways a male dominated society supports the ongoing existence of rape.

In this section we first give you a couple examples of “the second rape”. Then we give you some explanations of why this so often occurs. Don't get discouraged as you read these. Remember that we're going to show you how best to stop these abuses, and how to turn them around so you get the positive help and support you deserve. The reason we lay out what can go wrong in such detail is so that you and your friends will recognize the problem early on if it starts to happen to you.

Two examples of “the second rape”:

• When Gloria was raped by her coworker she went alone to her union representative to report the rape. Her union representative told her he would look into it. A few days later Gloria realized that the union had sided with the rapist. Gloria couldn't believe the union wouldn't support her, but she still had hopes of getting help from a company manager who was her friend. The same thing happened again. The manager never even spoke to Gloria's witnesses, didn't investigate, and didn't move the rapist out or her work area. When Gloria's friends at work saw that the company didn't punish the rapist, they started wondering if Gloria was telling the truth and they stopped supporting her. Within two months Gloria was frozen out of her job.
• Antonia was raped by two classmates on the school football team. At first Antonia's girl friends were very supportive. But then the whole football team ganged up and started spreading all kinds of lies and trash around school about Antonia. They also started bullying Antonia's girlfriends. Pretty soon Antonia's girlfriends were so afraid that they stopped defending Antonia. Then they stopped hanging out with her. Now Antonia was alone. She got very depressed and didn't even want to go to school. Antonia started cutting classes. The principal called her into the office and gave her detention. Now Antonia was totally isolated and in despair. Antonia dropped out of school.

Why Some People Side with the Rapist and Mistreat the Victim

Here are some of the reasons that alone or in combination that people mistreat rape victims. By understanding why these reactions occur it can help you understand that none of these reactions are your fault. And the rape isn't your fault either. It's also important for you to understand these reasons so you won't be caught off guard, and so you and your support persons will do all that you can ahead of time to prevent them from happening.

Don't get discouraged as you read this. Remember, not all people react this way. And the tips below will show you how to keep these abuses from happening to you, and how to keep a strong support system at your side.

Some people side with the rapist and mistreat the victim because:

• We still live in a male dominated society in which men and their organizations control most of the power. Rape itself is a crime of male dominance. After a rape occurs, the sexist, male views of rape frequently resurface with a vengeance. These views easily gather steam, join forces with the authority of powerful male dominated institutions, and if not dealt with, will almost always lead to the protection of the rapist and an easy overwhelming of the victim.
• In addition to the biases of sexism working against the victim, it's just plain easier for people to side with the rapist. Remember, in most rapes the rapist and the victim know each other. Once the victim makes the charge of rape, the people around you both are forced to take sides. It's almost always easier to take the side of the rapist. If people believe the rapist, they can simply abandon the victim to fend for herself. But if people believe the victim, they then have to go up against the rapist and take action against him. Sadly, many people just don't have the courage or strength of conviction to stand up to the rapist and his powerful allies.
• Rape victims are usually young females. Rapists are male and usually older than the victim. As such, the rapist almost always has more social status than the victim. These inequalities in our male dominated society add to the tendency of people to side with the rapist and to shun the victim.